The Secrets of a Lasting Marriage
- Debra Flaming
- Aug 24
- 3 min read
Lately, our family calendar has been filled with anniversaries and weddings—beautiful reminders that covenant love is still alive and well. Our oldest son Cameron and his wife Dani just celebrated ten years together. Next month, our youngest son Luke will mark his 5th anniversary. Both of our daughters were December brides; the same month Dion and I said our vows. This December, Dion and I will celebrate 42 years of marriage. And the legacy goes even deeper—his parents were married for over 70 years, and my parents recently rejoiced in 65 years together. What a gift of generational faithfulness.
Marriage as Covenant, Not Contract
In today’s world, marriage can be treated like a contract: conditional, breakable, dependent on circumstances. But in God’s Word, marriage is a covenant (Malachi 2:14). A covenant is not just between two people—it’s between a husband, a wife, and God. That third strand makes the cord unbreakable (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
When we stood at the altar and promised “for better or for worse,” we weren’t just making vows for the sunshine days. We were pledging to walk through storms, hand in hand, under the shelter of Christ.
The Power of Prayer Together
One statistic we often share in our church marriage group is that couples who pray together rarely divorce. Prayer softens hearts. It reminds us that our spouse is not the enemy—the enemy is division itself. Bringing burdens to the Lord reshapes how we face struggles. Instead of pointing fingers, we step inside the circle and ask God to work first in us.
As Jesus taught, we must first remove the plank from our own eye before addressing the speck in another’s (Matthew 7:5). In marriage, that means taking responsibility for our own reactions, attitudes, and choices rather than blaming our spouse.
Forgiveness: The Foundation of Love
Every marriage, no matter how strong, will encounter seasons of disappointment, misunderstanding, or hurt. Words spoken too quickly, unmet expectations, or even simple oversights can leave wounds that feel deep. Left unchecked, those hurts can harden into resentment—but God has provided a better way.
Scripture reminds us: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Forgiveness is not just a nice idea; it’s a command that reflects the very heart of the gospel. Jesus forgave us a debt we could never repay, and that undeserved mercy becomes the model for how we are called to forgive in our marriages.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the hurt never happened. It means choosing not to let bitterness take root, releasing your spouse from the “debt” you feel they owe. In many ways, forgiveness is less about the other person and more about the posture of our own heart before God. When we forgive, we open the door for healing, reconciliation, and renewed intimacy.
In our marriage group, we often say that forgiveness is not a one-time event—it’s a daily practice. Sometimes it’s forgiving small irritations that could otherwise pile up into mountains. Other times it’s working through deep wounds with prayer, patience, and God’s grace. But every act of forgiveness strengthens the covenant bond and reminds us that love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).
A Challenge for You
Whether you’ve been married one year or fifty, here are a few challenges for this week:
Pray with your spouse daily. Even if it’s just a minute before bed, invite God into your relationship.
Step inside your own circle. Ask the Lord, “What do You want to change in me?” instead of focusing on your spouse’s faults.
Practice forgiveness quickly. Don’t let small offenses fester. Cover them in grace as Christ covers you.
Marriage is not about perfection; it’s about perseverance. It is about two imperfect people leaning on a perfect Savior. And when He is at the center, vows spoken decades ago grow stronger, not weaker, with time, the most powerful secret to a lasting marriage.
In His steadfast love,
Debra Flaming
